she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
