the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize