she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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