Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
