I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
