i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
