Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
