All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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