take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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