A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
