Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
