it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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