Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
