Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
