My sheets look like a crime scene.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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