I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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