being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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