I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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