you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
