Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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