Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
