when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
