Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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