what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
