just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
