apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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