he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
