Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
