question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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