Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
