You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
