I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
