using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
