I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
