I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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