Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
