How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
