So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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