I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
