I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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