You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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