i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
