I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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