I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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