This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
