um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
