Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm always down for nudity.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
