The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
