you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
