You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
