I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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