she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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