I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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