you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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