for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
