Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
