How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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