I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
