Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
