Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
