physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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