Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
