Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
