Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He has the fingertips of a God
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