Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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