What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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