did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think my mom watched the whole time
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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